Lesson 8 – Be prepared

Back in my late 20’s I was finding life rather dull, and decided upon a way to spice it up; I would move to a Spanish speaking country for a year. I would live, and work completely in Spanish. Mind you, at the time my Spanish was and still is rudimentary, but I thought, no problem I can do it.  So with a $1,500.00 saved up, I gave notice at my current position at the time.

This was one of the best companies I have ever had the pleasure of working with. It had a real family feel, and everyone including my boss and the president of the company were supportive and happy for me in my new adventure.  My last day at the company my boss took us all out for lunch and the president arranged for a breakfast in my honor, so everyone could wish me well and say good bye (this company was very small; under 50 people). Oh, I forgot to mention, what place I decided to move to.  I choose to go to Puerto Rico. At first I thought I’d move to Seville Spain for a year, but when I checked out the prices, I decided P.R. would be the best bet.  I’d traveled to Puerto Rico some 5 time prior on vacation and had friends with family there that I could contact in case of an emergency.

Before I arrived in Puerto Rico I attempted to set up a bunch of interviews, but this seemed near impossible, as all the places I called requested that I have a Puerto Rican address and phone number.  I decided to just book my flight and hotel, and felt quite confident that I could secure a position before my funds ran out.

I landed in San Juan Airport at 1pm on Friday afternoon; I immediately took a cab to my hotel (booked the cheapest room I could find for $75 a night), and then headed out to the nearest bodega to get a newspaper (‘El Nuevo Dia’ the NY Times of P.R).  I realized if all the positions wanted me to have a P.R. address and phone number I first had to secure a place to live and then get a phone number.  So the first thing I did was look in El Nuevo Dia’s classifies for some apartments for rent.  That very afternoon I went to look at three apts.  The last one was a winner.  I found a very nice studio apartment in San Juan. It had a family feel to the neighborhood (a lot of little kids and toddles playing in the street) for only $275.00 per month.  I immediately signed the contract and gave my deposit.  The landlord advised that they would have to check my references and credit and would call me in a couple days.

The then next morning I headed off to Telefónica de Puerto Rico (P.R.’s Telephone company). Luckily before I moved, my mother gave me an old cell phone.  I took the cell phone to the phone company and they promptly set me up with service and a 787 phone number (PR area code).  I then took my resume to the lobby of the hotel I was staying at and asked if they could send a couple of faxes for me.  They were gracious enough to send out several faxes to a couple of possible positions for me.

The following day the landlord at the place I had checked out earlier in the week called and gave me the green light to move in. That day I checked out of the hotel I was staying at, and put my merger things into a cab, and headed off to my new apartment.  Once all my baggage was dropped off. I headed to ‘Plaza Las Américas’ (the biggest mall in San Juan), to get some essentials, such as an air mattress, some sheets and towels and such.  After getting back I spend the rest of the evening unpacking and cleaning my new space.

Two days later a call came in for a job interview for a small motel in the Isla Verde area in San Juan.  I went to the interview, and within a couple of minutes realized that the controller of this establishment was from Queens NY.  We had quick and easy banter together, and within less than a half hour I had a job offer for $8 dollars an hour; which by the way is awesome money for PR (My friend who was working in PR only made $6 dollars an hour w/ a masters degree in accounting).  I was so excited, I immediately called my old job in NYC, and got all my old co-workers including my old boss on the phone, and told them the good news.  They were all so happy for me. I then took myself for a celebratory dinner at Denny’s (One of my favorite suburban restaurant, which I ate at often while growing up in Virginia).

Well, things seemed to be off to a great start in my new life in PR, until three weeks later I was let go from my new job. It should not have been a complete surprise however, as two days prior to being let go (pay day). The controller and owner of the hotel (a prejudice, mean spirited southerner from Alabama), were yelling in the hallway outside our offices. He was telling the controller that there was no way in hell that he was going to pay me $8.00 an hour, when he was paying everyone else $4 an hour.   Two days later on a Sunday evening, one of my co-workers from the hotel showed up on my doorstep with my belongings, my final check (of which was  short $250.00), and a letter saying I was being let go because I could not perform the job I was hired to do.

I knew this was not the truth, as two days prior to the yelling in the hallway (between the owner and controller); the controller had taken me out to dinner in Viejo San Juan as a welcome to the position, and Thank you for all my hard work.  Nevertheless, here I was three weeks in to my new life here, without a job. I had already spent the entire $1,500.00 I had come with, and the hotel’s final check was only around $300.00 dollars. To say I was stressed was a mild understatement. The rent for my new apartment was due soon, and was $275.00. That pretty much left me with $25 for all other essentials (including food).

 In the end all did not work out the way I had hoped, and I was forced to come back to NYC on Labor Day weekend 1999. I was depressed for weeks that I did not accomplish what I set out to do.  I did learn however that one of the biggest reasons things did not work out for me in PR, was that I did not plan appropriately.  I had been doing light research before I moved, but   in the end; I had really not had a clear plan of action on how I would accomplish my goals. I moved spontaneously and quickly; all because I was bored with my life and unfulfilled.  I learned many lessons in my two and a half months living in Puerto Rico (many of which I will share in future posts), however I could have spared myself much heartache and pain had I been more prepared.

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Lesson 7 - Success Can Never Be Accomplished Alone.

I once had quite a disappointing experience at work.  I had always prided myself with working to my fullest potential, and giving my 100 percent effort at all times.  One of my ex-bosses once remarked that I should lighten up, “I behave as if I own the company” he stated.   Well, for me this is the way all employees should be. A company hires you for a service, and I believe you should provide the best possible service you can provide.

Image my surprise then, when I was hired into a new position at a company I was very excited to be working with, when within several months of starting work with there, I was invited in for my first (and I hope last) write up.  My manager informed me while they had no complaints about my work ethics; they stated that I was not working well with my co-workers.  This was news to me, as I never spoke to any of them.  I came in well before all my co-workers (& my boss for that matter), and stayed late most nights.

Well, that seemed to be the exact problem my boss stated, I never said so much as a hello to anyone, just, worked, worked, and worked.  My co-workers seemed to be under the impression that I thought I was better or above them.  This totally shocked me, as I really did not have an opinion of any of my co-workers.  I was so thoroughly absorbed in my work and getting the job done as well as I could, that I frankly paid little attention to anyone

My boss then gave me some advice; he said he saw me as a diamond in the rough, and having the potential to one day to be a great leader.  However, he cautioned you cannot forget that you cannot get there alone.  You need people.  He further advised that I take some time each morning to get up, and go around the office and say some quick hellos. Now he said: “Not that I want you talking all day at the water cooler, but just get to know your co-workers, perhaps even go to lunch with some of them occasionally”.

As embarrassing as the write up had been, I promptly took his advice, and the very next day, made a point to say hello to everyone in my department.  At first I was met with some strange stares as some wondered why I was talking to them, since I had never spoken to them in the past.  Well, I’m happy to report, that within 3 short months I had built some wonderful friendships. I earned the respect of all my co-works, and supervisors.  The best part, is work became a lot more enjoyable, and easier, now that I knew I did not have to handle it all myself.

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Lesson 6 - Never Judge a Book (or person) By Their Cover

Back in grammar school I was unfortunately teased and bullied quite a bit. In 4th grade there was this girl named Julie, who was a bit of a tom boy. In recess one day Julie and a bunch of boys were playing ball. I attempted to join their game, and Julie would have none of it. She threw the ball straight at me; and hit me Right Square in the middle of my face. Usually I would have said nothing, but this really ticked me off, and we both got into a screaming match.

Our teacher heard our fighting and came quickly to break it up. They then sentenced us to one week of detention, and put us on a project together. As well, they asked us to both apologize to each other. I was not happy. It was bad enough I had to stay in detention for a week, but to have to spend it with this person who had treated me so terribly. In my mind this was completely unfair, I hadn't done anything wrong I felt; it was all her fault.

The week past quickly, and we learned a lot about each other. Julie might have been tough (& as I perceived it at the time perhaps mean to me), but her loving parents were quite strict and demanding of her. Her Dad was the minister of their church and both her parents expected a lot of her. We actually learned by the end of that week that we were not all that different.

It turned out that Julie and I became the best of friends through the rest of grammar school. Incidentally, Julie was also the one who later introduce me to God and Jesus. I'll forever be most grateful to Julie for her guiding me to my own relationship with Jesus. I guess the lesson in all this, was we both learned not to judge a book (or person) by their cover.


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Lesson 4 & 5

You are Worthy &

It Is Okay Make your Needs and Desires Known.

As a child I was taught: “Children are to be seen not heard” and I learned as well, that it was bad form to be the first to accept or take something (also, not to take the last of something).  Hence for the better part of my teens and early 20’s I had great difficulty asking for what I truly wanted and making my desires be known.  One such time I remember, my dance teacher Jose (I studied Flamenco for some 6 years back in my early 20’s) inviting a bunch of us students back to his place for some drinks before we headed out to a performance together.

When we got to his place, he asked me first what I would like to drink.  Feeling it was wrong at the time, to be first to be served, I said: “Nothing, Thank you”.  Jose then proceeded to ask all the rest of the students what they wanted and promptly served their drinks.  After everyone had been served and I was the only one not drinking something, Jose asked me again if I wanted anything.  I said. “Okay, I’ll take a coke, Thanks”.  I remember he was a little upset, when he said: “Why didn’t you just say that when I asked the first time.”  Well, I had no answer I could give him at the time, but I remember being a little embarrassed.

Looking back at my life though, I’ve come to realize that it has been a constant struggle for me to ask for what I need or desire from someone. I have therefore, set lower standards in my life so when I get less I do not feel so bad.  An example would be several years back when I was interviewing for a position I really wanted.  I desired a certain amount of money, and I know with my experience at the time and the going rate in the industry that I could get this certain price, but I somehow did not feel worthy to ask for this much money.

After the interview, they asked me my salary range.  I gave them a figure which I felt was 5K below the going rate for this position and my experience.  I felt this way; I was ensuring I’d get this position if I asked for less.  The interviewer then gave me some advice, he told me with my present skills, experience, and references he had thus far checked out, I had actually under priced myself by 10 thousand dollars.  He asked me point blank why I would do such a thing.  Just like with the Jose, and drink episode I was embarrassed and had no real answer. Now I realize that I did these things, one because I not feel I was worthy to ask for what I truly wanted or desired and two because I thought I could protect myself if I asked for  less, and perhaps got more.  You know what I mean, no disappointments.  If I do by happenstance get what I desire, awesome, but if I don’t, that’s okay too.

I’ve come to realize though this is definitely not my best life lived, by constantly accepting less, or by not asking and going for what I truly desire, need or want.  Therefore I have made a pact with myself going forward, not to accept less from or for myself, and to remind myself often that it is okay to accept help, and ask for what truly need or desire.


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Lesson 3- Never Let Money Along Be the Deciding Factor in a Decision

Several years back in my early 20's, I had been working at a wonderful company for several years.  I had essentially become bored at this job, and decided to look for a new and exciting position. Immediately I sent out my resume, and in no time had lined up a bunch of interviews.  Within a month or so of looking a very promising offer was received from a somewhat new advertising agency. Everyone in the company was 30 years of age or younger.  The vibe in this office was fresh, light, exciting and full of positive energy. Oh did I mention there were way more handsome young men, than woman in this office (a definite plus)! The only down side was that they were only offering me about a $2,000.00 annual increase. I was looking to make at least a 5K annual increase. 

Being that all other factors with this offer seemed great (and from what my future boss advised there was definitely potential to grow here); I decided to take the offer.  After accepting this offer I immediately gave two weeks’ notice to my present employment at the time.  Then for the next two weeks it was all I could do to continue myself. I was so delighted at this new position that I could hardly wait for the day to arrive. 

Two weeks passed quickly, and the day had come to start my new job. I was excited and woke up early to prepare. While getting ready, my career agent called, saying a perspective new client (a jewelry company) of hers was interested in meeting me for a position.  I was about to tell her, that I was just fine with the offer I accept two weeks prior, when she advised that this other client, wanted to offer me a lot more money than the Ad agency.  I paused for a moment thinking that it’s not likely that this new client will offer me a position, but what the hay, it can’t hurt to go and hear them out.  So I accepted and my agent booked the job interview for 1pm that day.

Off I went, to my new position at the Ad agency.  All the people at this new company were really nice, accommodating, and helped me set up and start the training process for my new position.  1pm came, and I went off to the job interview with the jewelry company.  To my great surprise, the vice president of the jewelry company offered me a job on the spot, for 9 thousand dollars more than the Ad agency.  Wow, I could not believe it. In one short week, I could be making 11K more annually than the job I had originally left.  Well, with dollar signs swimming in my eyes, I immediately accepted their offer and said I could start the very next day.

Now came the bad news,  I had to tell the Ad agency, that I had made wait for me, for two weeks, that I was just up and leaving them.  They did not take the news well, as can be imagined. I felt awful about leaving them like this, but the idea of making so much more money felt like an opportunity I could not pass up. The next day I started at the jewelry company bright and early.  By lunch time though, I had began to realize that I had made a huge mistake.  The day before, the interview with the vice president of the jewelry company was at another location other than their offices (this should have been a red flag, why had we not met at the office, since it was only a couple blocks from the Ad company that I was coming from).

I found most of the employees grossly disgruntled and very angry. The owner of the company was an absolute tyrant.  From calling the vice president a “Bitch” in the hall way, to calling out several racial slurs to fellow employees, as well as in appropriate sexual comments. I had entered the job from hell.  I then called up the ad agency I had skipped out on and apologized for my behavior. I then called my primary job that I had originally left (because I was bored) and humbly asked for my old position back.  I’m happy to say that they did take me back.  It was then that I realized I would never again; make a decision based solely on money alone.


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Lesson 2- Believe in Your Self

As a child I had great difficulty learning to read.  Many of my teachers believed I had a mild form of retardation. From as early as I can remember I was in learning disability classes. My mom worked very hard to get me up to main stream level, and sat countless hours trying to teach me to read; to no avail.  By the time I was in ninth grade, my learning disability class was reading at or below a 5th grade level.  I remember in some reading sessions we were actually reading ‘Dick and Jane’ stories.

I remember at this time become increasing depressed and frustrated.  In my mind I knew I was smart, but with all the learning disability courses I was in, I felt stupid.  I finally made up my mind one day, that I would learn to read and write, and at the main stream level (9th grade).  I announced to my English teacher at the time that I would like some 9th grade reading material to take home, because I’d like to work on getting myself up to the same level as most the students my age.  My teacher laughed at me, and advised that at this late stage of the game if I could not read or write, it was not likely that I ever would.

I was undeterred, and brought all the reading materials home.  Soon after though, I became very frustrated, as I truly could not understand what I was seeing.  A few months later my family went through some major upheavals, as my parent headed toward divorced.  Shortly thereafter we moved in with my Grandma in New York (we had previously been living in Virginia).  My Grandma, who had always had faith and believed in me, got me an audition at the school of performing arts.  The last auditions for that year had actually past, but being as determined as my grandma was, she would not take no for an answer.  She showed up at the schools principal’s office every day for a week, until he related and gave me an audition.

I auditioned on my violin and made it into La Guardia H.S. of the Performing Arts for the 10 grade (two months into that semester).  Now came the interesting part.  After about a week or so in the new school, my English teacher noticed that I couldn’t keep up.  He advised me that in the 1st assignment he gave me, I couldn’t even construct a proper paragraph, and he was going to send me for some further testing.  I was very nervous at hearing this, thinking that after all this hard work I was going to be booted out of this awesome high school. He assured me though, that once a student makes it into the school, the school does everything it can to help that students become their best.

They sent me for a number of academic, psychological, and mathematical tests. After which time it was finally revealed to me that I had dyslexia. The school then hired me a tutor that worked with me every day during lunch (& sometimes after school). Within a year of hard work, and focused determination, I worked my way into all main stream courses in less than a year. Not only that, but due to the wonderful tutors and teaches of this school and all their extra help, I got A’s in English every year after.  Without the belief in myself, as well as the encouragement and belief in me by the tutors, teachers and my grandma; I do not think I would have succeeded.


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Lesson 1 - Always Best to be Your Authentic Self

I've created this blog, because through out my life I've had a number of successes and failures.  What I've noticed though is I've learned more from my failures and mistakes then from the successes. Generally, in the most difficult times of my life is when I grew and learned the most. So, as I remember all of my life's lessons, I plan to blog what the failure, mistake, catastrophes were and what I learned from them.

As a kid I was kind of a geek, and definitely not popular in any way. In my grammar school there was this one girl I remember named Liz.  She was the most popular girl in our school. I truly admired her.  She was not only beautiful, smart, and talented (she always played the lead in all the school plays, and was the lead violinist in the school's orchestra), she had loads of friends.  I recall that one day; I decided I would study her. I would learn all her mannerisms, idiosyncrasies, speech, and I would study harder, so that I too could make it on the honor roll (this last part was not a bad idea).

I became so good at coping Liz, that if you closed your eye, you could swear I was indeed her.  Liz being the most popular girl in school also took to calling attention and making fun of all the geeks, nerds, and all other misfits (I being one of her targets).

One day, I had come early to school, and saw a bunch of students milling around the front of the school.  They seemed to be teasing a nerdy looking kid, just sitting on the stoop.  I came by, and decided to put on my Liz mask, and started to join in on their teasing of this boy.  I made what I thought was a rather cleaver joke about his glasses (which I felt were really big and ugly). Everyone in the crowd burst into laughter, and for that moment, I felt like the popular kid.  They all started to make their own jokes about his ugly glasses. The boy with the big glasses at this time started to cry.

Then when I totally wasn't expecting it, another boy in the crowd, noticing that I'm one of the geeky kids brought this fact to the attention of the rest.  The crowd then turned to cruel jokes and teasing in my direction. I immediately felt humiliated, as I realized that I had acted as awful as Liz, and the rest of the people who regularly make fun of me and all the non-popular kids.  It was then that I came to the conclusion that I would never want to be like these callous people (even if being them would make me the most popular girl in school).


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