Lesson 11- Tell the Truth 1st to Yourself

We’ve all be taught lying is bad, and we should not do it. However, we would all be lying if we said all of us have not, at one time or another, lied to get out of a sticky situation, by telling a friend what he or she wants to hear, to make them feel better, or telling a white lie to spare someone’s feelings. We may even fudge the truth to not deal with some uncomfortable feelings ourselves.

What I’ve come to realize about all lying for the most part, is we first lie to ourselves. To make it okay for us to lie, we rationalize to ourselves how the particular lie is either necessary, or if we tell ourselves a really good story, we actually convince ourselves our lie is actually the truth.

This last bit I can clearly relate to. For some many years, I’ve had trouble with my spending tendencies, and had finally after many years of friends trying to bring the problem to my attention; I finally faced facts I was indeed a shopaholic. For more years than I can remember, if I had a bad day, or felt under the weather I’d self gratify by buying a little something. Depending on my finances at the time, it may be as little as a hair trinket, to several new outfits.

What was clearly the same each time, how I convinced myself, I absolutely needed whatever it was I was buying, as if my very life depended on me buying this thing. I would thoroughly convince myself into this lie, there was little anyone could do at the time to persuade me otherwise.

These specific lies, with regards to my spending habits, finally came crashing down on me some two years back. When my on-again off-again boyfriend and I had broken up for the second time, my life and my spending went into a downward spiral. I had so completely wrapped myself in this relationship, and basically made it the center of my universe. When it ended, I did what I always did when I was depressed, I went on a shopping spree; actually I went on several shopping sprees till I nearly maxed out every credit card I owned.

It started with me saying, "I just need to spruce things up a bit in my apartment and make the space more ‘me’". So I started with buying a new couch, and chair, which in turn ended up being all new furniture, new silverware, new flatware, new clothes, new curtains (3 new shower curtains to be exact), new toilet seat, new carpet (bathroom and living room), new sheets, and towels, you name it, I got rid of the old and got new ones.

Some of my friends actually went along with my lie at the time, and said it was healthy I was getting rid of all stuff  I shared with my ex-boyfriend, but some 6 months later the truth came crashing in. My two oldest and dearest friends said they needed to talk. When they first approached me and said they believed I had a problem with my spending, I was of course totally skeptical. Until they talked me into going over all my credit card and bill statements with them, and itemized everything onto a spreadsheet. I was firmly sure my debt at the time was no more than 12K max. When all was said and done, the full total after our plugging the numbers was 26 thousand in debt, I nearly fainted.

I could not believe I would be in this much debt and not know it. I’ve since come to terms with my weakness for spending and shopping, and have made a point to stay clear of any shopping or clothing stores when I’m feeling down. I cut up all my credit cards two years ago, and have focused on paying off this debt. My biggest lesson in all of this was how easy it is for all of us to lie first to ourselves when faced with a problem we do not want to accept or acknowledge.

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